Today marks the last day of the old normal for our family. Tonight I attend my first leg of a 3-day orientation for Savannah Law School. Some of my friends know I took the LSAT back in June, hoping to earn a score high enough to clench a full scholarship to become a member of SLS's inaugural class (which I did). Those closest to me have also listened to me agonize for months over this decision. It's just not like me to make any decisions lightly, and my tendency to over think (and worry) complicates matters. Is this the right time? Do I even want to be a lawyer? How will I stand being away from my kids so much? Do I even want to be a lawyer? Will I find the time to read my assignments and keep up with the material? Do I even want to be a lawyer?
I think it's clear what my main dilemma has been. The answer is that I don't know. I don't know with 100 percent certainty that I want to be a lawyer. What I do know is that the life we had before is no longer a luxury available to me. The coveted role of stay-at-home mom was partially left behind when I returned to the classroom part-time last year. I know I love the way things are right now. I get to be in a classroom (one of my favorite places to be) and spend a great majority of my time with my kids (no brainer). There are many times, however, that I curse our lack of disposable income and wish I had the luxury of getting a haircut or buying my kids' school clothes in one fell swoop. How funny I used to think pedicures and highlights were basic necessities of life.
So, here's the thing. I'm choosing to take advantage of an incredible opportunity to try a new adventure without a big, fat student loan. I've got a husband who fully supports me and three little boys who think it's super cool Mommy is going to law school (Scout just wanted me to read her a Ninjago book when I sat down to tell them). I know that I'm interested in helping people, that I love the scientific aspects of medical malpractice and personal injury cases (where I imagine for now that my ultimate career will head), and that deep down, I'm kind of a nerd.
No, I'm never going to sit riveted to NPR (gag!) or have passionate discussions on politics (blech). Like I said, I'm kind of a nerd. I do love a challenge. I love to unlock the puzzles the law often presents. So I think it's worth a shot. I can always change my mind if I need to, but I tend to throw myself full force into anything I do. I'm hoping I love it tremendously and that in four years, my newfound, fulfilling career offers my family financial stability and college funds for the Joneslets. How cool is it that I get to go to school in such a great city, too? And at night, of all things. I'll be a frazzled mess, but I get to stay in my classroom and retain my coveted role of mommy. If I can really get my act together, I might even still find time to run.
Our family will be adjusting to my absence three nights a week in the midst of a new school year and continued play therapy sessions. The change will definitely be a challenge. I'm nervous but in some ways excited to have a plan. When you've walked around with your stomach in knots for three years, a plan is at least action. Action rather than worry has been a long time coming on my part. Keep your fingers crossed for us!