Balance is a simple word that manages to confound us all. It's the reason I've attended yoga sessions for the past six years and why I spend so much of my time analyzing my place in this world. I'm searching for the key to mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional balance. Sometimes it feels as if my life is dictated by the whirring spin of the washing machine or the persistent glub glub of another tubful of dirty bathwater swirling down the drain.
Today I sit at my computer with the all-too-familiar sounds in the background. Libby the Farting Dog outside growling at a squirrel, the buzz of the dryer as my fourth load of towels finishes its cycle, Hudson and Lawson turning the pages of books in their beds, and Scout's sound machine lulling her to sleep in her room. My hair is saturated with the "color in a box" I've grown accustomed to since the real estate market went belly-up, my Crocs are riddled with sand from yesterday's beach trip, and my neglected fingernails are tip-tapping across the keys as I attempt to put my jumbled thoughts and feelings into words. I'm counting down the minutes until I load up the gang to go get Camden from his long day at kindergarten and contemplating how to orchestrate the inevitably necessary chore chart for my spirited little men.
I'll get ready for bed tonight wishing I had found a way to walk on the treadmill and wondering what part-time job might be right for me next fall. But at the close of the day, I'll be lying next to a true partner who has the power to both infuriate me and inpsire me, sometimes in a single breath. A challenging, intelligent, dry-witted mess of a man and someone I love more than I ever felt was possible. The laughter, stories, and sass of my kids will still be ringing in my ears, and I'll wonder which one of them will clamber into our bed in the middle of the night. The tomorrow that awaits me will present its own set of balance beams to walk, and I'll be ready. I may never fully achieve the delicate art of balance, but at least my clumsy attempts at it are infused with joy in the midst of exquisite, life-fulfilling chaos.