The Power of Mom Guilt

I'm having one of those days when I'm plagued by anxiety, self-doubt, and what can only appropriately be described as "the blahs." Rationally, I know these feelings are exacerbated by PMS and lack of sleep, but the blahs have a funny way of pushing ration right out the front door.

These are the days I retreat from the world because if I let people have a glimpse into this part of my personality, they might think I'm a fruitcake. However, I've always read that if you face your fears head-on, they'll seem less frightening. So I'm blogging about it. If you read this and determine I'm a nut, so be it. I'm hoping maybe someone else out there feels nutty, too, and the crazy, sometimes contradictory, ramblings I'm about to unload might make you feel less alone.

In an attempt to at least organize my crazy, I'll use bullet points.

• My kids are sick. Scout hasn't slept in three days, and when she finally quit wheezing long enough to fall asleep, Hudson crawled in our bed with a high fever. We're scheduled to go to Carrollton tomorrow for a baby shower for one of my dearest friends AND for a triple birthday party for the three youngest kiddos. I need antibiotics and steroids to work stat, and I need a serious stretch of good rest.  On the flipside I know parents with children who are truly, critically ill, and the fact that I'm stressed about my babies' illnesses makes me feel guilty. I can't imagine what these parents go through each day, and my kids will get well with five days of medication.
• My house is a wreck. The Laundry Monster is on a rampage, even after two of my incredible girlfriends came over yesterday and folded and put away six loads. I know I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, a washing machine, and great friends who will eat chocolate and fold clothes with me. So I feel guilty for being frustrated with the insane amount of laundry I have. The blahs have also left me colossally unmotivated today, so I feel like the five loads I have left are taunting me. Craaazzzyy.... 
• My perfectionism is problematic. I just wasted five minutes of my life trying to figure out how to properly space my bullet points because they won't look as nice listed without spacing. Technology glitches: 1. Me: 0.
• I let my kids watch TV and play computer games all day. I am so tired today, and I let the kids stay in their pjs and watch PBS all morning and afternoon. I even stole a power nap while snuggling with Lawson and Hudson and watching Curious George (Scout was snoozing in her crib). I haven't even thawed anything to cook for dinner yet. Bad mommy.
• I am wallowing when I should be taking action. I'm letting the blahs have me when I feel like what I should be doing is unearthing the living room from the mountains of toys and whipping up a well-balanced meal that my kids will refuse to eat.

Well, there you have it. Just getting these thoughts out is enough to at least motivate me to cook dinner and psych myself up for a more productive evening. I think I can, I think I can.....